Food products gone political

Published 8:14 pm Monday, March 16, 2009

Even with the mess he inherited and the criticism he’s endured already, President Barack Obama has one thing going for him: a German frozen food company thinks enough of him to name its new product “Obama Fingers,” which the packaging describes as “tender, juicy, pieces of chicken breast, coated and fried.”

Sounds delicious. Far from an insult to have your name tied to frozen chicken fingers, Obama should consider it a compliment because the food is versatile and reliable. There was a time, I’m told, that chicken fingers was about all I would eat, and that’s not hard to believe. You can fry them, bake them, cut them up into a salad, put them on a sandwich or dip them into any of an endless supply of sauces. And they’re always delicious. I’ve never had a bad chicken finger.

If other politicians had a food product named after them, though, they might not be so fortunate. Take former president George W. Bush. How about oysters? Bush feels kind of slimy, always seems to be looking at you weird, and it was usually hard to swallow what he was presenting.

Next would be Bill Clinton. Maybe a big heart-shaped box of chocolates. All that jogging and smooth talking would require Clinton’s food feature fancy packaging, and you would have to watch your wife or girlfriend around him, especially when a glass or two of wine was involved.

Then there would be Dick Cheney. Maybe a brand of beef jerky. We’re talking real jerky. Jerky so jerky it would take someone as cold and tough as Cheney to chew it. Can’t you picture Cheney grabbing a large hunk, tearing some off and then chewing while grunting? Cheney could probably live off jerky and lukewarm water.

And maybe Nancy Pelosi, the Speaker of the House of Representatives. Pelosi’s food could be only one thing: tofu. Why? Because one wants to believe that tofu is somehow a good thing, but one can’t get past the fact that the little square mysteriously has no taste or smell of its own. There’s something strange about that.