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Next water war chapter begins

More than a year ago, a debate was resolved (we thought) when The Clanton Advertiser’s sports department sponsored a professional wrestling-style tables, ladders and chairs match between the governors of Alabama, Florida and Georgia.

Robert Renfroe Riley, or “Triple R,” won the match after sending Florida governor “Chain Gang” Charlie Crist headfirst into a turnbuckle with Riley’s signature “Bob Lob.” Triple R then climbed the ladder and claimed the golden turbine that represented control of the water that flows from Georgia and that both Riley and Crist thought was being unfairly kept from their residents by the cruel Georgia governor, Sonny “Hot Pursuit” Perdue.

Triple R was a gracious winner, allowing Florida its fair share of water. There was even a humorous wager between Riley and Crist on Saturday’s Southeastern Conference football championship game. When the Florida Gators defeated the Alabama Crimson Tide, 31-20, Riley was supposed to send a rack of ribs to Crist.

But just when Alabamians and Floridians were enjoying their rediscovered hydration, “Hot Pursuit” made his dreaded return. Left for dead after Crist suplexed Riley onto his body while it was sprawled helplessly on a table, Perdue has apparently requested a review by the U.S. Supreme Court of a decision in the 18-year old water war litigation.

The U.S. Justice Department filed a brief opposing Georgia’s request, which means that department supports a ruling by an appellate court that found Perdue can’t hog the water from Lake Lanier for Atlanta residents and has to allow a sufficient amount of water to flow into Alabama and Florida.

“At some point, Georgia has to face reality,” Triple R spat in his usual confrontational manner. Riley said “Georgia,” but we all know he meant “Perdue,” his hated rival.

We also know that, no matter the rulings of courts or departments, Hot Pursuit will not face reality. The only solution is yet another brutal, bloody wrestling match. Because what is a classic without a sequel?