Looking forward to my opportunity to serve

Published 6:18 pm Wednesday, December 3, 2008

At 3:30 p.m. today, a nationally televised press conference will be held to announce me as the new Secretary of Sports.

This is a new position to the presidential Cabinet, and obviously, brings with it some unique challenges.

There is very little I can say at this time, other than the new administration felt it necessary to better regulate all things athletic, especially on the professional and collegiate level, particularly concerning football.

I have yet to put together my staff, but I can tell you now that the Department of Sports is committed to bringing to you, the American people, the very finest, most entertaining athletic entertainment possible. We will highly emphasize honest, clean competition, personal accountability for athletes and honesty and transparent management for individual teams, programs and organizations.

I cannot stress to you the importance with which I take my new role and the great honor it brings me to be the person chosen to make even stronger this very important aspect of our culture.

Although I cannot give you a detailed plan of action at this time, several people have asked me about some things that I feel strongly about changing, implementing, deleting, etc.

The following is a brief list:

4. Major League steroid policy. To put it bluntly, it stinks. Although I cannot in good conscience recommend wholesale changes at the present time, I think it goes without saying that a stronger stance must be taken to clean up the game. It is no secret that I am an enormous baseball fan, and this is an issue close to my heart.

3. NBA rules. I realize it looks good when a player takes four steps without dribbling and dunks on a fast break. But strictly going by the book, this is wrong. This, among other rules, will be strictly enforced. And just to show that I have not forgotten female fans, I am considering proposing a rule that will make every fourth quarter shirts vs. skins. Which brings me to my next point…

2. Women athletics. I think we do a poor job encouraging girls and young women to take advantage of the rights afforded them by Title IX. It is time we recognize that women’s athletics do not have to be inferior.

1. Bowl Championship Series. This system must be drastically improved or completely abolished. If it is to remain a part of college football, I propose some alternate names. Bull Caca Series. Busted as Crap Series. Bomb and Crash System. When teams (Texas) who beat other teams (Oklahoma) are passed over for a chance at the national championship, something is wrong. Something’s got to change because it ain’t right. It just ain’t right!