Top candidates for an all-sports country
Published 2:35 pm Wednesday, October 29, 2008
The World Series, the race for the BCS title and the presidential election seem to have gotten some people stirred up. Man, I wonder why.
It’s an interesting time we live in. In the span of a few hours, you can watch your favorite athlete lose a game, watch your least favorite politician win a debate and then watch people impersonate both of them on a sketch comedy show.
So then I got to thinking…
What if we could create the ultimate marriage between politics and sports? No, besides overly muscled men becoming governors.
If there were an entirely new country made up entirely of athletes, it would need a leader, right? Right.
Today on “The List” we’ll look at the candidates for Athletiland. Or the United Republic of Shoe Endorsements. OK, I’m still working on the name. Democracy is a process after all.
Vote for Peyton Manning because…I’m a proven leader, and I’ll be a strong presence in the pocket, umm, I mean office. I’m a winner, I’m a team player and I’m so good babies actually want to kiss ME.
Vote for Lisa Leslie because…You don’t have to worry about male heads of state looking down on me because I’ll have at least a four-inch height advantage on every single one of them. I’ve won four Olympic gold medals, so my foreign policy credentials speak for themselves.
Vote for Charles Barkley because…Don’t you want a president that’s not afraid to tell our enemies what he thinks? Besides, if someone bombed McDonald’s, there would be no war because you can believe I would locate and prosecute the perpetrators with extreme quickness.
Vote for Mary Lou Retton because…I not only scored a perfect 10 in the Olympics, I’m a perfect 10 in real life. And I didn’t even need a coach to tell you that.
Vote for LeBron James because…Well, I guess I could give up a monarchy for a democracy. It’s great to be king, but no empire lasts forever.
Vote for Steve Young because…It’s not going to be long before the producers at ESPN realize multiple concussions affect your ability to read defenses AND teleprompters.
Vote for Vince Young because…Hey, I’m not doing anything else right now.
Vote for Matt Leinart because…Hey, I’m not doing …Wait, did Vince Young steal something else from me?
Vote for Sarah Palin because…Gosh, hunting is a sport, too, dontcha know?!