Partly Cloudy / 76° F
Archived Story
Man arrested, charged following domestic violence incident
By Stephen Dawkins Published 5:53pm Tuesday, August 9, 2011A 44-year-old Verbena man was stabbed and arrested following a domestic incident Thursday evening.
Alan Crumpton has been charged with third-degree domestic violence.
According to an initial investigation, Crumpton was in an altercation with a 14-year-old stepson when another stepson, this one 15 years old, acted to defend his brother by grabbing a knife and stabbing Crumpton twice, once in the back and once in the back of the head.
Neither of the juveniles was arrested or charged.
“Our officers determined that an altercation took place, and the stabbing was the result of one brother trying to defend the other brother that was being strangled,” Sheriff Kevin Davis said.
Crumpton made his $750 bail Tuesday evening.
The incident took place off County Road 813 in Verbena. Crumpton’s wife, the mother of the two juveniles, was also home at the time of the incident.
The younger brother called police.
I never know how to put into words how deep the fear of your abuser goes. In my case, and many others, I was stalked by my own husband. I’d go at lunch to get the oil changed in my car, and a few minutes I pulled into the parking lot, he’d be behind me. I’d go to Walmart to do shopping and turn around in the store to find him following me. This isn’t uncommon. It makes you feel like they’re all powerful, and even when he’s not around, you’re still unnerved wondering where he is. I was so terrified when I came home from the safe house (where I’d gone after the hospital stay) I would carry my shotgun into the bathroom with me and lean it by the shower door, otherwise I was too scared to get into the shower.
I went through explaining that because if you haven’t lived through something like this, you can’t understand (that’s the royal you fairygrandmother
) and it needs to be understood. It’s hard enough to get the victims to press charges but then to not drop them out of fear, or, because he turned on the charm and apologized on his knees. This takes you into a “honeymoon” phase where he’s quite nice to you, but it’s very short lived and once the charges are dropped and he’s off the hook the abuse returns. The only difference between abusers is not IF the abusive behavior returns, but WHEN. The nicest my ex had been to me in 16 years was a few hours before he shot me.
With a low bail abusers are free again to either terrorize or sweet talk their way out of trouble. Add into that the fact that in the majority of abusive households the woman doesn’t work. It would give her too much freedom and access to credit which would help her get away. So the woman is sitting there with no money coming in to feed her children because the husband is in jail, plus the pressure to drop the charges helps explain why women stay. We form a bond with them that’s very much like Stockholm syndrome.
The average woman leaves her abuser 7 times before she manages to get out for good, a lot *never* make it.
My apologies for the length of this post. But it’s my experience that most people don’t really understand this problem. It’s in every community, every income group, and the chances are you know at least one woman who is being abused. This information needs to become more common so people will understand.
(Report comment)
Special Notes for Parents and Ladies
Everyone needs to learn and understand the warning signs that abusers put out. Learning these can help keep you or your daughters safe. When victims of abuse compare notes we often wonder if we were all married to the same man , that’s how common these signs are.
http://www.newhopeforwomen.org/abuserTricks.php
On this list, the two most important warning signs for a lady to look for in a new relationship is jealousy and attempts to control. These show up fairly early, and there is nothing “cute” about unreasonable jealousy. It’s a very bad early sign. Run as fast as you can away from that one. It’s very important for parents to educate their daughters about this.
(Report comment)
Kat do not apologize for the length of your post…Thank you for sharing your experience. It is important for those unaware to hear our stories.
To add to Kats experience…before the abuse began my abuser was charming sweet sensitive and giving….why else would I have married him? Immediatly after the wedding trip he began the process of breaking me. He insisted that I should not work, stay home with my kids (I had a very successful real estate career), he apologized that his employees, parents, and neighbors did not like me, just ignore them and stay away from them. He would comment that I was gaining weight, my hair was not right for my face, my makeup too much. Immediatly he began to lament that I could not have more children although this had been discussed and settled before the marriage. He then convinced me to move to an ultra rural area 100 miles from anyone that I knew. Once I was broken, financially dependant, and isolated the abuse began. Thank God I escaped. The day I got free w/ my children and cat, $40, and the clothes on our backs he was chasing me. My moment of freedom to escape came when he went to get a gun.
Unfortunatly, the police officer, the judge or the DHR worker you need to help you is an abuser or victim themselves. The family you come from is comprised of victims or abusers. The abuser has groomed you to believe that you can not get help and often the first, second or more source you go to can not help you.
There is an old phrase that our grandmothers taught us that says dont hang your dirty laundry in public…..I say to you….if you are being groomed for abuse or abused run that laundry up a flagpole at the courthouse, do what ever is necessary to safely get free… you can get help…you can have a great life!
Important…After you escape, recover, and get the counselling and education you need…you can see, hear, smell and feel an abuser from across the room. They are not invisible…their victims are blinded by them…
I had a ministry of speaking on domestic abuse issues to civic organizations, churches and schools in Perry County. I could read the body language of the audience and SEE the victims and abusers! Again, Sheriff, DA, CA address this issue often and publicly. We can read your position whether you speak or not!
I love you Kat and am so glad that you are a proud, vocal survivor!
(Report comment)
paragraph 2 should read that sometimes these people are abusers or victims too.
(Report comment)
Love you too!
Jeff and I had our 11th wedding anniversary in May, he reminded me about taking me to his family reunion shortly after we started dating. He said I spent the whole time trying to hide behind him…lol… I don’t do that anymore.
It’s amazing how much it changes you.
(Report comment)
I challenge Sherrif Davis to make a public statement regarding the charges not being attempted murder and the ridiculously low bail for such a violent person….I challenge the CA advertiser to investigate this story further…with Sherrif Davis…. and the courts… to factfind and report to the public…
Take a stand on family violence Sherrif, DA, CA, citizens of Chilton County…before we see another horrible death!
(Report comment)
Abuse is a terrible, terrible thing! Those who abuse other people are nothing more than an adult bully. They apparently have some psychological need to be “in control” at all times. They need help … help that probably neither you nor I can provide them. I am proud of ever person who has gathered the confidence, the courage, and the strength to walk away. Surely it was not an easy decision to make, but when your life may be at stake you do what you have to do and NEVER look back.
It’s harder (if not impossible) for kids to get up and walk away, and this is the very, very sad part. I got absolutely no respect for anybody who abuses another person … and I don’t mind saying so!
(Report comment)
Unfortunately, people who abuse rarely ever change. Counselors have said that 3% of abusers can change, but they only say 3% because of the statistical theories that challenge using 100% to define such a group.
A *very* good book for people to read on this topic is, “Why Does He Do That” by Lundy Bancroft. He addresses the problem with a male pronoun because most of the abusers are men. Court appointed anger management or other counseling don’t work and shouldn’t be part of any legal settlement agreement. The only thing these classes do is show abusers how to better manipulate the system. One of the most dangerous things a victim can do is agree to couples counseling because if the victim talks about the abuse with the counselor in front of the abuser she’ll be lucky if she escapes later with a few bruises. They NEED to maintain their appearance as good husbands and fathers.
Rickey is right, it is control. They are the ultimate control freaks and they are dangerous. 1 in 4 women will be abused in their life. Think about this the next time you’re at church or shopping or in any crowd and look around at all the women.
The BEST thing most of us can do is contribute to shelters for women and children that provide the first sign of hope for the victims. In this economy they’re especially hurting, and when funding dries up they can’t help as many people as they’d like.
(Report comment)
PS….The shelter that covers our area is in Montgomery. The Family Sunshine shelter
http://familysunshine.org/
You can make a donation to them via their website, or of course by mailing in a check, or providing good used home and office items.
(Report comment)
Good for the older brother defending his younger sibling. Otherwise this may have been another tragedy like the death of Michael Campbell.
I do have to wonder – a 44 year old man strangles a 14 year old boy and is charged with third degree domestic violence? What about attempted murder?
Where exactly was the mother and what was she doing during this time? The article says she was home. Was she aware of what was happening? Was she letting it happen or what?
(Report comment)
Hi Phil,
This is something domestic violence advocates have pointed out quite often. Had a stranger been trying to strangle this young boy he would have been charged with a more serious offense. There’s no reason to go easier on people who abuse family members.
The mother was probably abused by this man herself, that’s the standard pattern. In my case I was abused for years, and then my ex turned to my son and started verbally threatening him and I knew he wouldn’t be long before he got physical with my son, that’s when I filed for divorce and got out with my son. If she’s abused too she’s probably terrified of him.
(Report comment)
Hi Kat. You are quite right. In the cases I have knowledge of or was somehow involved with, the vast majority involved abused mothers/wives. This was not true in every single case but it was in the vast majority. Hence, my question. Was this a situation where the mother too was abused or did she allow or encourage this to happen?
Also, I agree with you and other advocates that there should be NO difference in charges/sentences for family members versus strangers. If the crime is the same the punishment should be the same.
(Report comment)